shit - it's already october 2010

...shit

what is shit?  That seems to be the current language most everyone is using these days to describe a bad situation or insults;


"Shit!  Some asshole hit my car!"

"You got shit for brains"


"Shit" is described for all kinds of things that we don't like, or like to deal with, or stuff that's dirty - like handling shit, literally.

I'm in the middle of soooo much shit right now, that I'm swimming in it.

So much shit at work, and so much shit outside of it.

Shit at work:
Shit at work is going to give me another freakin breakdown.  There's just so much shit that has to be done for this whole next year, and that shit has to be done on time, and that's the thing, there's just not enough time to make the shit.  Everyone have so much shit to do and not enough time to do it in.

The thing is, we all agreed to jumped into this shit together without a snorkel.  But what can we do?  It wasn't like we had much of a choice in the matter.  It was like putting shit in front of a dog and there's nothing else around for the dog to eat, and it's hungry!

What happened?

The head shit makers from the other shit house threw shit on the faces of our shit house owners and started their own shit house.  They've been making some really good shit for the past ten plus years and the last one was the "shit".  So much so that the shit house owners from across the road said;

"Hey, if you come work for us, we'll build you a new shit house so you can make us some good shit."

So they bailed, leaving half the shit makers in the old shit house.

Since the shit we've been toying with impressed our owners so much, they said;

"Hey, we like the shit that you guys been showing us, how about you work with what's left in the other shit house and come up with some good shit?"

The catch is: one year shit cycle, instead of the normal two or three, and it has to be as good, if not better, than the last shit that came out of the other house, and that shit was solid gold!...shit!  How does one top shit made of solid gold?!?!  And we have to make more solid gold shit with the same tools, for shit sake.

I worked with an older version of those tools a while back, so have some idea how to make some good shit, but that's like making shit with a hammer and chisel instead of power tools.  Th problem is, no one in this house knows how to make gold shit with a hammer and chisel, not  like the other shit house.  Even though the left overs from the other house may not be the best shit makers, like the ones who left, they still are ten times better at making shit with their tool than us.  We have so much shit to learn...

I have so much shit to do everyday, that I'm falling behind on the shit that I have to do.  Shit!!!

But this is a great opportunity to make some good shit...at least that's what I keep telling myself while I'm drowning in it.

I love doing this kind of shit, but full concentration every, single, day until we finish all the shit that needs to done, is just a shit load to work.

I am freakin, tired, as usual.  I thought this year was going to be better, but shit just keeps hitting the fan.  This shit's just not healthy for me.  I don't think I've ever really recovered from the last shit that happened, because I still reek of it!!!  That was two years ago?  So much shit has happened.  My head's still spinning, and more shit just keeps on coming down the pipe.

As for shit outside of the shit house?
:
Just finish fixing up the shitty ass old kitchen with some nice shit.  Man, kitchen shit is expensive!  i am freakin broke and then some.  I am so not used to spending so much money on so shit at once.  I guess it was also time to replace the old shit windows, too.  That shit's also expensive, but I don't want shitty windows, which must be part of the reason why I fee like shit, more about that later.

The other half was keeping track of budget, so the shit that I wanted to get got slashed with the budget knife, so I had to figure out how to make something interesting with half the shit I want.  Shit.  What a pain in the ass, I did my best with the time constraint given.  I must say that that was a good thing.  She's good with stuff like that.  Pushed and challenged me to be more creative with what little shit we can afford.

I kinda like the shit that I did on the walls, came out better than expected.  Cheers to the better half.

As for other shit.  Didn't help when I can't sleep for more than two to four hours at a time.  Been that way for a couple of years now.  I guess that didn't help the depression shit that came rearing it's ugly head with a vengeance.  I can't control it anymore and needed some shit to keep it down.

The first shit prescribed seemed to dampen the moods, but feed the down turns hard.

I was such a shit bag.

The ones now seem to do better on both sides of the fence, but I think it's something deeper.

Shit, I'm tired

I can only see more shit days to come

sketches - May 0110

Been trying to get the energy to update for a while, but just have not been feeling up to it. I was hoping that this year was going to be better than the last, but that just haven't happened yet - I must have done something really bad sometime in my life, or the years of calm is finally catching up to me.

Anyway, I am about to embark on a trip with a good couple friend, and needs to get my shit together when I come back, because I have signed myself up with four others to do an art show at the end of July at Avenue 25 gallery. This trip is a good opportunity to gather, I'm hoping, subject matter for a series of paintings for that show. This will be my first, and hopefully not the last! I would totally be stoked if I can actually make a living off making paintings, but I am far from that place, but maybe someday I can and will.

But, unfortunately, I believe I will be going into the dark cave of crunch mode game development for the next year. Time to get mentally prepared with lots of...

sketches - March 0710

Sorry for the absence, but a lot of things have happened in the last three weeks that will be explained in this entry.

The Leap of Faith:

Talk a about Black Mondays. But since Monday, January 18 was a holiday, the news had to be delivered the following day. Tuesday was a dark day with pouring rain - appropriate, since that was the day that I gave my two weeks notice to the Company.

Started off as a normal day. Went into the office and looked for "the man". Couldn't see him, but he was active on the company IM, so I IM'd him inquiring where he is. He said that he was at his desk, which I saw, was totally blocked from view to his desk. So I went over, told him that I was giving my two weeks notice. All he said was an acknowledged "ok" and a few nods. They knew I wanted to leave when I asked to be put on the lay-off list last November, which they denied existed - please, news of lay-offs were already hitting video game news sites. Then I went back to my desk and started to work. Although I knew that people were going to quit that same day, what I didn't know, was how big of a walkout it was going to be.

The walk out was a big one. I knew that there were four of us environment artists, almost the entire senior art staff, not including the Lead Artist, plus a few others in other disciplines. What I didn't know was that the Lead Artist also gave notice after us!!! What followed that day was a strange silence. No manager came to talk to me at all. I spent the entire day finishing up with art blocking the parts for a game puzzle. The reason why it was quite was because the managers were grilling the Lead and newly promoted co-lead in regards to their resignations - the lead was being grilled for four hours, but to no avail. None of us wanted to be there. We tried our best to fix the work flow process for an entire year with little to no results!!! So It time to move on to something exciting and new, and less painful. Making games does not have to be this hard, seriously!

As for the day after, I went to work as usual, but not more than fifteen minutes into my routine, "the man" came over and said he's taking me to meet the HR guy. Well, that was that, I got asked a few pointed questions that I almost got cough off guard on, tricky bastard. Gave him my security badge and was told I can leave. Not much love going on there, oh well. That's the typical EA way of treating all but the most valued employees. But, I didn't get escorted out, at least there were some respect given, I think

.

So ends another era.

The Following Weeks:

Although I was glad to be out of there, I was also quite sad. I had a lot of good times there and there are still good people there, too. It's just too bad that the projects were not run very well. Anyway, for the two weeks that I was out of work, I did a whole lot of nothing. Slept a lot and was very lazy about house work. I wanted to go somewhere, but was just too tired and burnt out to have much energy for anything. Just waiting for the first of February, so I can start my new position at the new studio that I was denied to go last year.

A New Hope:

It has been five weeks now, at my new job, and I am fairly busy, yes, actually busy with making something in a 3D package, and trying to learn how to use the new tools and pipeline for an unannounced title. It has been so nice to go home and actually not be frustrated or mad about something at work - win! I actually have a computer to work on that has all new hardware and not something that's five to six years old - win! It's closer to home, so I can actually ride to work when the weather gets nicer - win! Do you sense a trend??? I sure hope it gets better every year:)

sketchs - january 0410

This should have been the New Years baby for last year. Sure ant pretty, that's for sure. Must be a portrait of Dorian Grey when he was young.

Ah, 2010. Reminds me of the sequal to 2001, A Space Odyssey, remember that one? I sure don't. I never even watched the whole thing. But some how I'm curious as to the follow up story to the original. I only saw bits and pieces, so I never saw the end. So, I must see it sometime soon.